I’ve always had this fear of ‘failure’ and as I reflect on this, I’ve realized that it’s a fear of my own definition of failure. I’m not afraid of failing, but I’m afraid of not over-achieving.
I realize this sounds strange, but I’ve always felt this overwhelming need to prove myself. To demonstrate externally that I am capable, to do more than people tell me I can.
Why? It comes from having a fairly extensive part of my life where some of the people who were supposed to be supportive instead told me that I couldn’t achieve things, or that I was dreaming too big.
Now, I’m realizing that I can’t do everything and that’s okay. It’s not failing to slow down, it’s not failing to say no to something, it’s not failing to not try to do everything. I’m realizing that to make some of my dreams a reality, I might need more time - sure I could rush it and try to finish whatever goal early, but I can’t do that and still do it well, I can’t do that and maintain my health. And that’s okay.
I’m really fortunate to have some incredible friends and family who constantly remind me that I can be realistic, I can take on less, I can give myself more time to finish things, that it’s not the end of the world to take a step back and breathe.